The 8 I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts

Quoted from the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey - Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.

4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.

6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):

1. Ending Poverty
2. Curing Diseases
3. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.

7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?

8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.


I've been wanting to post this for a while but I didn't think it would get the best reception. So now that there is a new blog with a new flavor, I figured I'd let it fly. And yes, I do think this is a pretty rockin' doctrine. Sorry if you disagree. Cheers though.

In the beginning...

This being the first post in my new blog I feel I should express some semblance of excitement. It is nice to look at thing like this as a nice beginning. However, it should be recognized that beginnings are by nature relative to the observer and dependent on the environment. As I see it, philosophically speaking, a true beginning can come from two things, a complete transition from some previous form or as a beginning from nothing - chaos from the order of absence. In its own way, this blog is being created with both concepts of beginning in mind. To address the former, this blog is meant as a complete and total transition from my xanga. I guess this is dependent on me shutting that site down and not bringing it up (in any form) again. I hope to do that to a large degree because of how that site depresses me sometimes...and that depression simply isn't productive. I will however archive it...perhaps contrary to my own good, but because I refuse to ignore and discard the past totally. This blemish on my new beginning will have to be recognized though. Perhaps in the creation of our own universe such a flaw was present. Who can say? I don't think so, honestly. With regards to the second concept, this blog is my thoughts manifested on a clean slate; it is something new set on a background that is nearly without adulterating factors. This definition is far stronger and closer to a true beginning in this case.

So, without sounding blasphemous (imitation is the greatest form of flattery)...though I doubt it matters at this point...Let There Be Light!

This new blog is open!