My Oddly Specific Dream

In this particular dream I was a US Army Capt. serving with British troops in the Asian theater sometime in the late 1990's (I'm assuming an alternate universe and by this I mean the dream was not based on something that could have happened in the real world). I led my group on the battlefield against an international force, eventually running into a Thai brigade near a rock ledge. Using pincer tactics to corner them and separate them from the main enemy force I began to personally engage the enemy. After a short battle I determined that a large majority of the party were non-combatants of a diplomatic nature and refused to raise arms against them. However, a middle-aged Thai soldier challenged me to a duel to maintain honor after my choice not to slay non-combatants. I accepted the challenge so as not to lose face with my troops and to show respect to my enemy. After speaking with the British High Command I was granted permission to duel and I removed the majority of my gear to increase mobility. The Thai soldier informed me that he only had one proper dueling pistol and that I would be permitted to use my personal side-arm. At this point I tested my weapon and found it was jammed. I quickly remedied this, but took note that had I not had the opportunity, my life would have almost certainly been forfeit. Before the duel was to begin, I reflected on the fact that this was my second duel, the first being a victory against someone back home. I then told my Commander, who was supervising the duel, to be sure to give my sword to Chris Fisher if I should fall (weird, eh...I think in the dream it had been a gift from him) and all of my other possessions, excluding the non-sensitive documents I was transporting, would be passed to the victor. The Thai soldier agreed to this and we took position, back to back, and began the standard ten paces forward...I was confident I could win.

Then I woke up to the sound of my cellphone alarm. The dream was oddly specific and still fresh in my mind so I decided to write it down.

Mr. Mathers Tries to Be Useful

So yeah, as is often the case I'll start this entry with an apology that it is the first one in such a long time. It's not even that I haven't had much to say, simply that I haven't had the time to say it...or the drive to actually get on my laptop.

Randomness. As I type this entry I am reminded of vanilla scented candles. I don't really like them all that much, but the occasional whiff is satisfying. Right now I feel as if I'm just about to smell one...like it is right in front of me. It makes me think about family. Vanilla scented candles=family. Not quite, but I'm telling it like it is.

I've been fortunate of late to hang out with a lot of great people. Lindsey K is perhaps the most surprising of these. I hung out with her and a lot of other people Friday night. Sorry pool-party peeps. It was a lot of fun for me, running around in a field (we played flashlight tag)...I never do things like that anymore. However, it just surprised me how very kind Lindsey was to me. Apparently, I'm held in rather high regard by her. Frankly, it shocked me to be thought so highly of by a person who almost never hangs out with me. I can't say it was a confidence boost though, because I can't convince it wasn't just the politeness that a great person must possess, but man, it sure made my night.

Today is Benson's birthday...it is also my brother's birthday. What's funny is that his brother's birthday is on my birthday. I would say that we've laughed about this coincidence but I can't recall how he took it. Happy birthday to the both of them anyway.

Speaking of birthdays, mine is on the horizon. Traditionally, I dislike my birthday very much. The past two have been exceptional though, thanks to the efforts of my awesome friends...perhaps my position needs to be reevaluated. We shall see. This year I definitely still want to do something...I mean, I am turning 20. Of course, it isn't 21, but whatever. I'm going to allow myself a small amount of bitterness for still being single at 20 (of course, I'm not quite there yet), but as I told Randy last night, it isn't as if I didn't see it coming.

I was bitten by a large black dog while I was on a walk with Tori Monday. It has caused me an amazing amount of grief for such a small bite. The police, doctors, and many other such creatures have been forced upon me...it isn't even that bad. Better safe than sorry though, I suppose. I'm on amoxicillin, had a tetanus shot, and filed a police report since the attack was near a school and totally unprovoked. The beast jumped halfway over a fence to bite me. Sheesh, if only some other people wanted to get at me so badly!

On a more productive note, as this blog is supposed to present more lofty concepts than my mundane life can provide, I'll emerge from this entry long digression to say something more abstract. That is simply this: over the past few days I have done a good deal of running around just trying to find a reason to be running around. This is a poor way to live one's life. I should try to make something happen directly, not simply drive around half-expecting that whatever I'm hoping for finds me.

Anyway, I'll work on it.

Cheers then. Best wishes.

Sensations

I really can't do too much with the entry tonight as I am dead tired. However, I felt compelled to mention a facet of my existence that I find interesting. I frequently find myself in a state of disbelief.

This is not to say that I am shocked at particularly improbable or extraordinary things, I just often find myself feeling something like "Wow. How can that be?" Strange, eh? I'll give you a few examples. Last night while I was running along the bike path, I was struck by the rhythm of my breathing, the pain in my legs and chest, the smell of the river and the trees, and the feeling of the wind on my face...and my mind just sort of hit a wall and was like..."Sweet...how amazing is this?" It was totally unexpected and involuntary, which is splendid. Soon afterward my cellphone rang (also surprising). I couldn't pick it up for several reasons. First, it would interrupt my run and I was almost to the 1.5 mile mark so I could not afford that. Second, I was really out of breath and probably could not talk. Finally, I knew by some intuition that it was Jen calling and I could call her back in a moment. But I digress. Another example is when I'm hanging around my friends. All of a sudden I'll just phase out of the picture and think about how great it is to be around them and to have had a past with them...and I just smile on the inside. Part of me can't believe I'm so lucky so I have to analyze it again. The final example is kinda embarrassing...but I'll tell you anyway. I sometimes find myself realizing, never immediately, that someone is very beautiful and I will literally say to myself (and I have said this in my head) "How can someone really be that beautiful!" It's not like I'm saying it to indicate how grand they look...but that I actually can't believe they are so...radiant. I'm just struck by it and it takes me a minute to realize I've wandered. I do not have lewd thoughts after that, for your information, I usually just try to blend back into where I left off. It is mentally amusing for me to look back on these moments. Hmm, perhaps many people have these moments.

Have a nice night, folks. Sorry if this was boring.

Mysterious Mysteries

So, I'm finally home from college and ready to start living life as I choose. Here's a couple things I plan on doing this summer.

1. Going on a roadtrip to North Carolina with my friends.
2. Working hard on my engineering job.
3. Not stressing to much about life.
4. Go to Triumph LARP events as much as possible.
5. Learn more Japanese.
6. Read the last Harry Potter book.
7. Start a consistent work-out plan.
8. Go on a diet.
9. Hang out with people I haven't seen nearly enough.
10. Take a Saturday to walk somewhere really far away.
11. Write a decent poem again (have I ever done that)?
12. Go to an awesome concert.
13. Eat at the Cheese Cake Factory with Becca.
14. Visit Jessi up north again.
15. Get sweet new glasses.
16. Play some video games and maybe get a DS.
17. Read something by Pullman or Harris.
18. Spend time in Yellow Springs.
19. Hug someone.
20. Turn 20. Amazing, eh?
21. Enjoy the 4th of July like I did when I was a kid. (These days I just wish I was watching the fireworks with someone.
22. Train up to heavy on DDR.
23. (my lucky number) See a couple Reds games, even though they aren't doing so hot.
24. Surprise someone.
25. Buy a sweet DVD.
26. Find something.

There's a large batch of random for you all. Sorry if you think it is lame but it is the best I can do right now.

Mock Interview and My New Perspective

Hello, I'm once again writing in this blog thing and there's really a lot of things I could talk about. I think tonight I should do some self-examination on here. Of course, you are all invited to tag along. I assure you though, there's not much worth seeing. However, before I get started I just want to make a shout out to my awesome friends who have all made me feel so grand this weekend. Both today, yesterday, and even the short time I was home Friday were really amazing and although nothing is perfect and I am tired, I will remember all the truly good times for a many years. Thanks guys. You know who you all are. As for the great folks I did not hang out with...I want to hang out with you too! I miss so many people. Honestly!

So, onward. About three weeks ago I went through something referred to as a "Mock Interview" for my Intro to Cooperative Education class. This basically consisted of me preparing my resume the night before, borrowing a tie after realizing mine was at home, walking out into the hot weather in a full suit, and answering questions posed to me by an older student while being critqued on my interview skills and resume. Get this though, folks. It went insanely well. I got compliments on my suit on the way there and the interviewer said not only was my resume excellent, but I displayed a good deal of confidence in the interview and answered even the tough questions very well. Funny thing part two: I was not nervous for this interview.

Now, by itself this story is stupid. It is a waste of time to make you read it. Honestly. But here's the catch. I have been significantly happier since this interview (or at least that day) and I have also been far more confident in myself.

Did you all know that calling people is really one of my greatest fears? I'll put it off like no one's business. So if I call you, you can say with a great degree of certainty that either I really trust you and know you like me and do not mind hearing from me, I really want to have a conversation specifically with you, or I have a pressing reason to speak with you and can't find a way to put it off. I don't mean to offend people by that. In fact, what I mean to say is, calling people is a huge thing for me for some reason and even if I have not called you, you still are likely to be a top notch friend of mine. But I digress. After the interview I have stopped putting off calling people I need to call and emailing official people I need to speak with. I'm getting over this odd apprehension.

So what about this interview or this day brought about these changes? Well, I think in a way this mock interview turned my eyes to the future and finally proved to me, really made me realize, that I could deal with people successfully just by being me. I've seen it time and time again, but for once it stuck. This complete stranger, meant to critique me, found me confident and competent. That was grand. Also, it allowed me to look past myself and see that other people are in the same place as me...and as a name on a list, I can make my own expectations for myself and fulfill or surpass them by my own choices. I can make myself who I want to be. It's pretty empowering. I feel odd for saying that, by the way. ;-)

I think I've changed for the positive...and as silly as it sounds, I am seriously considering laying the blame on a mock interview that I was cursing not 20 minutes before I took it.

It is amazing how one little thing can impact a person...and even more amazing when it is noticed. Hey, maybe I'm wrong here, but one thing is for sure: I am changing and I have been a lot happier lately, despite some tough times that would have killed me not a year ago. I have to be happy about that.

Here's wishing you all the best!

All things considered

Blog entries are a fickle thing. I never seem to be satisfied with them...or, as of late, finish them. However, this weighs on mind and therefore must be changed. So, in order to get the proverbial juices going, let me describe a fictional scene that I can see happening some day in the future (neither distant nor near, just the future; I dare not be specific). Rather, I'll tell a story.


The curtains, which are often the most underrated and overlooked component of any man's room, were what woke him up that Saturday morning, fluttering contently in the cool breeze of the morning. With that certain sense of disbelief that all people having upon just waking up, Jacob realized that he was indeed awake before sunrise on a Saturday (and not simply in the sense that he had not yet gone to sleep, as was often the case). It was certainly somewhat of a surprise to him, but all the same, he felt grand. Repositioning himself so as to face the window, as well as the rustling curtains, he took a deep breath of the air coming in off of the lake. Wonderful indeed, Jacob thought to himself, a smell of life and of a new beginning. He laughed at his humble attempt at prose, delivered to himself so early in the morning. Terribly unimpressive as usual, he chuckled. As the curtains settled with a lull in the breeze, Jacob pulled off the covers, pulled on his slippers, and turned off his alarm (set to 11:30, to allow him two hours to prepare for his lunch out with dear old friends, who just so happened to be in town for the weekend). Instead of heading to the bathroom though, as habit would dictate, he grabbed his robe and left the house to see the sunrise.

As he opened the front door of his house, now clutching a grapefruit juice, Jacob was once again struck by how strange it was that he was awake so early; the sky in the east was only just beginning to turn grey, and the stars were still visible in the sky. However, stranger things had happened, so he wasn't about to waste another moment thinking about this particular oddity. The breeze was back again, but it was late May and it had lost its bitter touch. Still, Jacob pulled his robe tighter around him and took a sip of his juice. With the sour taste of the juice on his tongue the morning air assumed a more earthy smell and brought to mind the days he had spent hiking in the mountains after graduation. Those times were golden.

The sky began to glow in the east as dawn approached. Jacob leaned on the side of his house and watched it arrive. With the first golden rays of the new day illuminating the forest he smiled for a moment in response to the moment. The sunlight touched the edge of the lake and the water seemed to assume a much more friendly attitude. However, this was lost on Jacob, as he was suddenly elsewhere. He had began to recall a conversation he had had long ago, in his youth with a lady fair, about seeing the sunrise over a lake from a house in the woods. What a grand dream that had been! But then it dawned on Jacob that in the three years he had been living by the lake, he had seen the sunrise only one other time - the morning after he had moved into the house - and that had been while he was half asleep, and from a camp chair facing the remains of a great bonfire. Rather sad perhaps, that the paramount reason he had began dreaming about this house had been ignored for so long. But that's what working can do to you.

So, as he walked back inside his house Jacob decided to try to see the sunrise more often, and to reflect more upon days past and what he had wanted to do. Good policy, he thought, now making coffee. I'll have to tell my friends about it when I see them.



Well, that's that. I'll try to do something more philosophical and more personal soon. But, for those who want to know, I've just past through (or, I rather hope I have) a very stressful time. There was no definite beginning or ending and nothing much to talk about with regards to it. Again I've learned about myself. School is difficult but I am happy (that's not what I learned!). Well, I hope to see you all soon; I appreciate your thoughts and your kind words. You all have my best wishes.

For You All

I'll write something interesting here for you all soon. I'm not going to post anything less than grand on this blog.