Edit the Sad Parts

The autumn quarter is behind me. I guess it'd be appropriate to reminisce about it here.

I came into the quarter looking for a transition from my life as a dependent to a life of greater self-reliance. As I wrote in this blog before I left, I am now officially a man without a real home. My life is now, and will for at least two years to come, be full of many changes. This is because every three months I have to move somewhere else thanks to my school and co-op arrangement.

Anyway, looking back now I can see a few ways I've changed in these past few months. First of all, I've become a lot less of a worrier as a result of my changing perspective on life. I simply don't see the point in devoting any energy to worrying anymore...it does not help me, so I've cut it out of my life. My grades didn't even drop with this perceivable increase in what some might consider apathy. I've also become even more skeptical and less reserved about feeling so. In many ways I can thank the support of my roommate Chris for that...among other things, of course. But I've truly appreciated the feedback I have received from him on the numerous occasions we've engaged in a more lofty dialogue. It makes me feel like I'm making progress towards becoming the man I want to be.

Elizabeth came to college this quarter. I for one thought that was going to be a big deal for me...I was wrong. Perhaps it comes as a result of my increase in "apathy" that this didn't change my habits. I did enjoy having fun times with her around campus on occasion and meeting her roommate (who was really quite nice). Plus, I feel like I was at least somewhat useful to her as a friend. That's all I really wanted anyway. We're cool and I can say that officially.

My quest from romance took an interesting twist this quarter. I didn't really have much time to find someone due to all of the craziness in my life...but there was this girl! I don't think she reads this, but even if she does there's nothing embarrassing to tell and I love being honest with everyone...so here's the scoop. Okay; all of my college friends and I went to a football game together and afterward we met up at a bar (we got pizza, FYI). I was feeling decent, but really laying back and listening to other people talk and things were going well. I was sitting next to Dan in our booth and I noticed that the girl next to him was, well, to my humble eyes, striking. This is somewhat strange because I've never really been one for blonds, despite the old saying. That's not to say I discriminate, it's simply the pattern I've seen in my past behavior. But I digress. Needless to say I tried to talk to her...but she really paid me any mind at all. Who can blame her though, when surrounded by far more interesting and social people than myself? However, I was not to be deterred. As we exited the bar I looked around for her and, lo and behold, she was right next to me! Being the awkward fellow I am I did my standard fake gasp and feigned a great surprise (because I was surprised and wanted her to know that...as well as to catch her eye...I just was not that surprised) to which she responded that she didn't mean to scare me. I, as a further testament to my awkwardness, told her that I had been looking for her. Now she was surprised. I'll digress here to tell you all that she was actually in our group all along (hence her sitting with us) so she and I were walking the same way. Anyway, on the walk back we traded snarky remarks and had a friendly bantered back and forth about life, English, and literature. It really seemed like we were hitting it off. She and I seemed a good deal alike in our conversational style (which if she reads this, she may deny) and our pursuit of some sort of perfection in life. She was a truly bright star. Everyone seemed to notice how we talked to each other too. "Finally", I thought to myself, "I've met a girl at UC who might actually appreciate me for who I am". Things might finally work out! So, after the evening was over, I found her on Facebook and had every intention of asking her out (in person, gypsies!) after a one day grace period. Can you believe that folks? Crazy conservative Jacob, so struck by a woman that'd he'd make the leap so quickly? Amazing, right? For those of you not in the know, it took me a year to ask out my last girlfriend (of course we all know how that turned out). Well, here's the kicker folks, which, if I didn't know better, I'd take as a sign that I'm doomed to be alone -- in that grace day she started going out with another guy, a freshman, who lives in her building. Apparently she'd liked him for a while (Jayna told me that). I was, for lack of a better word, floored. And that was the extent of things. I like to think I'm a gentleman, so I backed off. They're happy, from what I hear. So cheers. And better luck next time.

Back to standard summary mode. I got a co-op job this quarter. I'm assigned to work in Belpre, Ohio, as a Process Engineer in a polymer plant. I will need special safety clothing and am paid quite well. That job certainly solidified my future to some degree. I'm looking forward to working again and living alone in a new city a lot. I can't wait to really manage my own life on my own terms.

Academically, this quarter reaffirmed for me my love of chemistry and my ability to scramble to learn things when the pressure is on (CALCULUS, I'm looking at you) I beasted on the final due some awesome studying and selective memorization. Cheers to that. My GPA was not as high as in the past, but it didn't really fall too far. I think it is within the Standard Deviation, for those of you in the know. So cheers to that.

I was also fortunate to have many friends visit me this quarter. I love it when they come down, despite how stressed it makes me because I don't know what all to do. When it's just me I don't do much so when people visit...I can't think of that many special things to do! I love my friends, so I want them to have the best of times, you know? It is also really grand for my friends from back home to meet my college friends. That's one of my favorite parts. I truly enjoy seeing how two people I esteem highly interact with each other. Perhaps the most successful visit was when Jennifer and Erin came down for a day. They blended perfectly with my college friends and we moved together like a united group. It was like they'd always been there! I think they really enjoyed the visit because of how great the dynamic was...I know I did (among other things, of course).

So this quarter was significant in many ways and it seemed to last forever (much like this post, right dear reader?)...to me at least. I'll try to update again soon because there is a lot more to say. No promises though. Thanks for reading, if you do.

I think I'm attracted to insecurity in an individual as much as anything else. Maybe because I can really empathize with it.