Live from Cincinnati...

Hello my friends and my best wishes to all of you. This update comes to you with no greater plan or purpose. Let's just see what happens when I let myself go with the aid of some Weezer and Modest Mouse. Before we begin though, I want to emphasize how grand Weezer is. In many ways I think they're the band closest to the one that I'd form if I formed a band. I love their thoughtful lyrics, creative videos, superb musicianship, catchy tunes, use of dissonance, and wonderful chords...among other things.

Anyway, this past weekend I found myself...actually, that's not true, I chose to go to Cleveland this weekend with my friend Crystal. I can't remember what the original reason she wanted to go was, but it is her home and she has a lot of friends there that she wanted to see and that's reason enough really. I was happy to provide transportation to and from Cleveland. It was a unique opportunity for me really. I got to meet a ton of new people and experience a new city for three days. It was definitely crazy, though I would not have expected anything less. I'm not going to run through a ton of details for you all, mainly because I do not really have the desire to chronicle the entire trip for you, but I will say that I saw Lake Erie for the first time and had also tried Denny's. Ah, that reminds me of something...not Denny's, gypsies, I was thinking of what else I did this weekend and remembered something I meant to write about.

So, this past Sunday found me watching television with Crystal. Those of you who know me know that watching television can be hard on me at times...this was one of those times. No offense to anyone who enjoys TV, but it is seldom "for me". But I digress. I ended up sitting in the room where I was staying with nothing really to do. A thought crossed my mind: I have that big book in my trunk...why not read that? Well, for those of you not possessing an intimate knowledge of the trunk of my car or my Sunday morning, the book I'm referring to is a collection of the essays, speeches, and poetry of Ralph Waldo Emerson. I'm sure a few of my friends know that Emerson and I go way back, but those people probably don't read this blog. So, I'll just let you all know that in my junior year of high school, I became a fan of his and even played him in a skit. But again, I digress. I opened up the book and began to read "Nature". It's not an easy read by any estimation, but I was doing pretty well. However, that television was still audible in the background and it was killing me. Crystal, please don't be unhappy with me for saying so, I don't blame you in the least. *ahem* I decided to do something different. I decided to read aloud to myself.

The first few sentences were shaky as I found a good pacing, but soon I was really getting into it. I took care not to speak to loudly though, I didn't want to be heard because it seemed what I was doing was very silly. However, I really was getting into it. The words not only resonated with me, but the style of writing allowed me convert the text to speech quite well. Anyway, I read nearly the whole thing before it was time to leave the house and I felt grand. I've got to say, it was the closest thing to a spiritual experience I've had in years. That's saying something. I might even try it again in the future.

On another subject, college is winding down, as is my interest in it. I'm ready to get back to working, living on my own terms, and making money. I just hope it isn't a lonely summer. I've had good times with my friends this quarter. Certain people have made it known to me that they might visit me during the upcoming quarter; I hope that works out for both of us. I'm just sorry I am going to be living in such a boring area and that I will be working 5 days a week. Oh, my 21st birthday is this summer as well. It seems the accepted idea is that I am to return to Huber for that weekend (as my birthday falls on a Saturday), but I might not feel like it. 95% chance that's where I'll be though. Anyway, do try to say "hello" to me on my birthday though...I really do like to be spoken to.

I am beginning to wonder if I'm an independent person or an unstable person. Perhaps I am both. I certainly have my own ideas and am not afraid to make them known. Only time will tell how I turn out. I hope that at least some of you are there to see it with me.

Public enemy number 1, that's me. I think I've taken a step backward. I like myself less right now. It's not nearly as bad as it has been, but I don't feel the calm I used to feel. Maybe co-op will help again. And don't you gypsies dare worry, because I'll be alright. I'm not going to end this on an emo note, so allow me to encourage you to check out Weezer's newest music video for their new single "Pork and Beans".

"Imma do the things that I wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think"

If tomorrow never comes...

Okay, so the the last post was a lie. However, in my defense, I was up until 5 in the morning that Sunday night working on lab reports for organic chemistry. Anyway, I've neglected this blog for a number of reasons since then, some reasonable, some not quite as pressing, but that's life. I'm not going to promise to be better about it anymore...but I will do what I can.

So the last few weeks have been a whirlwind, and my head continues to spin from it. There's a lot going on in my life. I'm not going to go into too much detail about some things, however, due to the nature of the material. But try not to worry too much about it, gypsies.

Well, since it's been so long since I've updated, I guess I should start by saying that I'm back at UC (and have been since the tail end of March) after a very successful co-op at Kraton Polymers. This academic quarter has offered a myriad of new and exciting challenges and opportunities and I feel that I've really stepped up and faced them with the kind of effort worth being proud of. My grades are solid and my social life is complicated but grand. I've even scheduled my classes for the fall. Guys, it is going to be exciting. I've got 21 credit hours worth of classes...17 of them are pure engineering. That in itself is awesome. I no longer have to deal with labs or non-engineering math classes. Instead I'll be learning material directly related to my major. However, engineering classes are not the only things I'm taking. Much to my surprise, I was able to fit in Men's Choir and Asian Civilizations: Japan. Those classes should be grand and help keep me fresh when the engineering classes are testing my sanity. The Japanese class is also my first step towards international co-op. Hooray!

Hmm. I've been really happy lately. I think that living on my own for co-op really helped my develop myself even further as a person. I consider myself a true adult now...I even eat tomatoes (an inside joke). I also do not feel that I have a set home anymore. I am in transit and I have yet to create a space for myself beyond my person. That's fine...that is life. As evidenced by my previous revelations, I have been thinking about my future a lot more lately. I'm much more optimistic about my prospects. I believe I can become the happy and successful person I want to become. I am also happy with the person I am right now...and that's something I'm quite proud of.

Apologies if I've been redundant in this post, by the way. But there are certain things I feel I have to be sure are conveyed. Other news...I'll be in Cleveland for Memorial Day. That will be my first time up there. I'm excited about seeing and experiencing a new place. I also found out that I'll have about a week after school ends before I have to return to Belpre/Parkersburg. I'll try to hang out with as many people as possible in that period.

I suppose I should try to wax poetic or philosophic at some point in this post for you gypsies. However, I don't really want to be preachy. Well, at the very least I can say that I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality lately. Life really is beautiful and fragile. I think people have adapted to avoid thinking about that sort of thing. Or perhaps it's just that people don't need to think about things too thoroughly. Just think about it though...every time someone dies, that's a life exactly as deep and as important as yours being ended. It makes me sad. I just hope that I live for a lot longer than I already have. I have a lot of things I want to do. But once I'm dead I will not really have regrets...please don't think I'm being morbid, I'm a happy person, remember?

But seriously folks, life is grand and we'll be in touch soon, right? I hope so. Cheers and best wishes, my friends.

Post pending

There'll be a new blog for you all by the end of the week. You all deserve it.

EDIT: Sorry folks...it's a work in progress though.

Don't Come Back

Long time no talk (or at least legitimate talk), comrades. I've been making excuses and actually even took down a blog post that I didn't feel happy with in the long break between my entries (I suppose I'll put it back up because Jess seemed to think it was okay). I'm sure no one waits with bated breath for these things, but I still feel a little guilty about neglecting this project of mine.

Anyway, to establish a setting I'm living in Parkersburg, West Virginia and I work in Belpre, Ohio at Kraton Polymers Belpre Elastomer Plant. Fun fact, we're named after the god of strength. My job takes me out in the field some days and on the computer entering or analyzing data on others. It's pretty epic. I cook all of my own food and take care of myself nearly completely. That's a first for me. Being away everyone I know has been a little trying at times. There have been lonely nights. But overall it has been a great experience so far. I'm truly living my own life here. I'd like to highlight my trip to Athens two weekends ago to visit Tori and see Jess (who was also visiting)...and also other Jess, Tori's roommate with whom I have, as I often say of late, "infinite common interest". That was great times. I absolutely love Athens. It has a lot of unique places to shop and eat as well as a laid-back atmosphere I appreciate to no end. Not to mention it was the first time I had seen any of my old friends in a good while. I won't go into all of the lovely details for fear of boring you, but it should be known that I plan on visiting Tori and Athens again soon.

I suppose it would be prudent of me to take time out to mention that I'm not totally alone in Parkersburg. I have two other co-ops living across the hall from me to keep me company, Kirby and Lendell. Very interesting fellows indeed. Kirby and I share an office and carpool to work. He is a thoroughly enjoyable new comrade. Lendell sticks more to himself but is a friendly fellow. I'm quite glad that I'm not totally alone here. Of course that's not to imply I've been a state of communications blackout. Now that I have the Internet (it did take two weeks from when I moved in) I can chat with my friends (and post on my blog). However, I'm very thankful for the phone calls from my friends (particularly Jennifer who calls me often), they really help me make it through the week. David also deserves a lot of credit for actually writing me a letter; cheers to that. I only wish I could talk to and see all of my friends. But that's simply not happening at the moment.

Anyway, what really compelled me to write this blog post was an experience I had today. As some of you may know, I tutor at the local junior high every other week as a Kraton community outreach representative. Everyone who hears about this is always surprised for some reason. Whatever. Well, today was tutoring day and I was assigned to work with a very interesting 8th grader who was attempting to master the art of percents. Well, he was having a lot of problems. But I introduced myself to him at sat down to try to work through things with him. He had a few of his assigned problems copied down from the board, but they were not numbered correctly and illegible (at least to me), so I endeavored to explain the concepts to him without worrying about his previous work. I worked with him for a solid hour and it still seemed like he wasn't getting things. But at the last minute I think I got him to understand the basic formula that he was dealing with. (To teach these kids about percents they use the formula: Change/Original = %/100) For some reason, the poor kid just couldn't get it into his head...at least until the end.

Almost a complete loss...that's what you're thinking, right? That's not how I felt. This kid talked to me in a way he couldn't talk to his teacher. He told me how he didn't get it but wanted to. How he was sick this weekend and today but couldn't stay home. How he hated that his teacher treated him like a child. And how the methods used by the teacher to solve problems felt not like learning a concept, but simply memorizing a formula. This kid was critical of the teaching methods he was being subjected to. I told him sometimes you just had to get things done how they had to be done and move on, regardless of true learning and understanding. He said to me, "Isn't [learning] what math is about? Isn't it what life is about?" Maybe I'm a sentimental fool but I think this kid, despite his flaws, was really fairly intelligent. I'm willing to paint him a victim of our factory-line style of education. He didn't learn like the other kids and as a result he didn't feel like making an effort anymore. But when I sat down with him, really talked to him, worked with him as an equal to further his understanding...he truly responded and tried. From what his teacher told me that's something he hardly ever does nowadays.

I don't blame his teacher at all. We had a talk after class about the student. She recognized his potential and tried every trick she knew to get him to work with her...but a teacher in a standard staff position can't help a kid like this. She has to focus on the broader spectrum and on achieving state mandated goals. She must tailor to the masses. My friends, this kid needed real individual attention, someone to level with him and work to find how he learns best. From here out I can only hope things work out for him in the future...but for a little while I was able to help. It was amazing.

But really, the experience got me thinking. I could handle being a teacher. In fact, given the proper tools and space, I could probably be decent at it. And I think that there's no more noble a way than teaching kids to leave your mark on the world and influence the future in a positive way. *sigh* Another life I'll never live.

It's not that bad though. When I truly put it to mind, I can be everything I want to be in one life. Engineer by trade. Singer in my heart. Teacher to my children. Philosopher and poet among my friends and in my free time. Linguist in my travels. Actor on the stage we call life.

Who can complain about a fate like that?

Slight Delay

I wrote something for you all tonight, but it seemed a little pretentious. I didn't like the way it sounded. So I'm sorry, but you'll all just have to wait for the weekend and a better post. Cheers.

I Tried to Be, But I'm Not

I guess this entry has been both a long time coming and both a new revelation. Today my new friend Kirby asked me quite directly why I was in the engineering field. I thought I knew generally why he asked, but I asked him anyway. He said that in many ways the way I present myself leads him to believe that I'm more of a liberal arts sorta guy. He said it was mostly the way I talked and the things I talked about. It may seem strange, but I was flattered. In some ways that is the person I want to be seen as: a liberal arts kinda guy who is successful as an engineer (forgive me if it seems I'm giving myself too much credit). I was fairly happy that someone I had only recently come into contact with got a similar feeling about me. But his question got me thinking about things again.

This is really one of my essential dilemmas. In many ways I feel a major (and subsequently, with any luck, a career) in the liberal arts would be much more suited to my needs and desires as an individual...and indeed, many of my friends from high school have chosen to take paths of that general nature. I won't lie and tell you that on certain occasions I don't envy them on some level. I could have taken that route; I still could. On many I have no doubt it would provide great satisfaction for me if I did take that path.

But I'm not going to go that way, folks (though I still plan on furthering myself in such areas for years to come). I chose my major and future career for several good reasons that continue to hold true. The reason I answered Kirby with is that I recognize that I do have some talent in engineering and I think I could do the most to positively influence the world and the future by pursuing that part of myself. I truly want to work on something that will make life better for the people around me in a significant manner. I want to do as much for the world and for people as I can, while I can. No offense to anyone, but I just don't feel that if I pursued a career in language, literature, or philosophy (which would, in some way, shape, or form be my choice of a more liberal arts oriented degree) I could do as much to help people. Maybe that's a delusion, but it's my delusion.

"Bright shiny futures are overrated anyway."

Perhaps it's time we had another little chat. I think I have some things I need to say...just don't get too excited. I'll refrain from typing it all right away so that I can make it more respectable for you all. Also, it may be time I finally reevaluated my own priorities.