Eine Kleine Nacht-Blogging

お久しぶりですね!

Winter quarter is upon us, and with it comes copious amounts of snow. Time off of class due to snow is nice, but it only serves to further distance me from my classes. I mean, it's weird - I'm taking a host of tough classes, but I've yet to be consumed by them. I don't have tons of homework, all-nighters or fretfully evenings spent at the computer. It's so different from every other quarter of classes I've ever taken and I often find myself wondering if I'm doing something wrong, but no amount of thinking can reveal any deficiencies. So I'm going to have to adjust and enjoy it - after all, spring quarter might be even worse.

So that brings me to what I mean to be the meat of this post: the end is near. I will very soon be out of school and into a different world. It isn't a frightening thought, but it is one that often worms its way into my brain uninvited. So the best thing I can do at this point is to ask myself how I intend to make the best of it.

Graduation entails several things:

A change in living situation.
Starting a new job. (*fingers crossed*)
The repayment of student loans.
Taking on full financial independence.
Being separated from close friends.
The opportunity to create my own space.
The opportunity to pursue a serious relationship.
An opportunity to purchase my own pet.

That's what comes to mind right now anyway. I guess just getting it all out there makes it easier to think about. Anyway, I have to come to grips with making my own way in the world now. It's something I've had some practice in, but I am going to have to be careful not to simply coast along. If I leave Cincinnati I need to make my new location my home. I have to get out there and see things...meet people. I have to keep on top of my finances and be organized - there will be many things to take care of. I have to continue to develop as a person even when my job does not demand it. And of course, it is of great importance that I stay in touch with my friends.

You know, we've all been through a lot together. I really wonder if some people have any clue how much they mean to me. Since I'm bad at articulating my feelings to people, sometimes things I think are obvious get lost in translation. On other occasions I delay my messages in fear of not saying the right things and end up just taking forever, which is rude. I have to work on this sort of thing.

On a side note, I think my first major vacation is going to be to London. The other day I just found myself thinking how I really need to get over there and see England. I don't know why, but it seems like the thing to do. So I'll do it.

Either fortunately or unfortunately I also miss Japan a lot. Not a day passes that the times I spent there don't come to mind. I miss going out drinking with my sempai from work. I miss walking around Asakusa and just taking in the sights, riding the crazy crowded trains, sitting down for yaki-niku with people, getting annoyed at clueless tourists, working my hardest EVERY DAY to learn the frickin' language - and relishing the moments when it paid off! I miss talking and playing Go with Murakami-san, breaking the language barrier down with Harada-san, talking business with Yamada-san and Sakai-san and politics with Tsuchiya-san, and I miss Minami-san always looking out for me. And there's so much more! Ugh, I've split my life into two and now I have to live with it. It's grand but terrible.

So yeah, there's a lot on my mind, but I'm feeling great and very optimistic. Let's see how it all turns out then.

You don't have to like this post; or, thoughts I consider somewhat embarassing but would encourage feedback regarding

My time in Japan has led to the acceleration of many changes in my life. I think that, no matter how this last month goes, I will come away a stronger and more adult person.

Throughout college I've gradually come to some realizations that may or may not be true. When I entered college I was a very innocent person. I was ignorant of many things and timid in many ways. In many ways those "deficiencies" made up the person I was.

For one thing I was under the impression that I could get away with being just an intellectual. All throughout school the thing I relied on most was my intelligence. I prided myself on the prestige that it could bring to me. If my notion of myself as an intellectual had been shattered in those early days, I would have had a lot of trouble. Now, this is not to say that my friends liked me because I was smart...I don't even think I thought that. But what I am saying is that it's the only thing I considered worthwhile about myself. I saw myself as being kind and smart, but also uncool, timid, and fat. Kind doesn't put food on the table, so smart got all of the credit.

College, over time, defeated in me the notion that I was a person for whom "intelligent" could serve as an acceptable label. I began to realize that a good portion of my success was actually because I cared about people and generally tried to think about their needs and situations. I also realized that making and sticking to goals is a huge part of succeeding. I'm probably in the lower half of all engineers in pure intelligence and work ethic, but I'm not quitting, so I'll make it.

Also, before coming to college I believe (and now comes the part where I admit that hindsight isn't really 20/20) that I honestly saw all people in the same way. I treated everyone equally and I wanted to apply my standards to everyone. I'm not saying that I don't still believe that everyone deserves the same rights and respect, but I am saying that not everyone can be treated the same way.

Allow me to clarify that previous point. Now, as most of you know, I've had a pretty tight-knit group of friends for most of my life, one way or another. Among these friends there were both boys and girls. I had always felt that the gender of my friends is 100% irrelevant. I told the same secrets and talked the same way to everyone. Even when my mother objected to us all spending the night together as a group, I never understood the reasons for her feelings. It was a complete non-issue.

In college, one of my classes was Human Diversity. It was here that I was informed of my misunderstanding. A question was posed to the class: Do you tell the same secrets to your friends who are girls as the friends who are guys (or something to that effect)? For me the answer was an obvious and resounding "Yes!" I was shocked when I was literally the only person who answered that way. I had never perceived that things should be otherwise. What assumptions of mine were incorrect? The girls didn't trust their guys friends to understand their true feelings and problems because they have totally different life experiences. Many guys would never feel comfortable opening up to a girl for fear of appearing weak. It became obvious that I was oblivious to many things. Neither of those points and the countless other reasons ever occurred to me.

Later in college, I realized that this carried over into other areas. I didn't tone things down for anyone; appropriate behavior dictates that I be more careful around certain people. I've since been told that, because of my style of conversation, some people feel intimidated by me - "I'm speaking too much like an intellectual". Other people have told me that I need to hold back on my willingness to debate a point - even when I think I'm being friendly and engaging in a grand conversation. I never mean to alienate anyone - I want to know what they think and why they think it. I want to make myself understood. But to truly be understood, I must consider the receiver more carefully. My one-size-fits-all philosophy, although perhaps beautiful for its zealous egalitarianism and praised by my more like-minded friends is, quite simply, not the best route.

All of this came to a head with a relationship I had in college. I not going to name names though. But, as I tried to understand this person and the way they responded to me, I realized that my usual straightforward style simply wouldn't cut it...and sometimes there are things that, although not really impolite or socially unacceptable, you simply just don't say. The whole "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" schtick, which I had for the longest time considered antiquated and anti-equality, actually had a grain of truth to it. This was a hard pill to swallow.

Coming to Japan has also taught me to value my physical appearance more. Since my middle school days I'd pretty much given up on being at all good looking or physically fit (to a point). I'd been made fun of so much about my weight that I considered it a lost cause; something I had to compensate for but could do nothing about. In that same vein, I disregarded fashion as something beyond my comprehension. I sometimes even took pride in having no fashion sense, seeing it as a reflection of my transcendence above such follies. The only time I ever wanted to look good was the summer of 2005-before and after that I had no motivation.

Only now am I realizing how much this has been a foolish path. A friend of my boss' admitted to me Sunday night that, upon meeting me, he judged me as a "round" person. In that way, I was seen as somewhat "dull". But now that I've lost some weight he sees me as a "sharp" person. Much more competent. Even one of my closest friends, Ryan, although he would never admit it about me, has commented how a classmate who was such a "butterball" at the beginning of college had really gotten things together. How do you think I sit on that rubric? Does it really not matter to you?

Also, being in Tokyo has truly made me notice how much effort some people put into their clothing. The old saying "Clothes make the man" always meant to me, "dress well to look professional". As long as I looked professional and clean, I'd be in the clear. Not truly. Most people judge you on how you dress and your physical appearance, almost immediately after they see you. To be more accepted I have to have more style. Look at my friends - they all have a style. What's mine? The no style style. That can't cut it.

I've never been successful with women. Now, I am 90% sure it isn't really about "confidence"; it's about how I present myself. The confidence stuff is a euphemism. It isn't the posture and talk; it's a presence that is strongly influenced by physical fitness and fashion. A dear friend of mine - a genuine, intelligent, and kind person, was actually turned down by a girl, in her own words, because he is "overweight". Her loss, right? Yes, but that's not much of a consolation to my friend. You see it everywhere. I was willfully blind for a long time - now I'm determined not to fall under that umbrella anymore.

Some of you reading this might be unhappy with this post. I envision thoughts like, "When did Jacob get so vain?"; "Man, he sure is jaded"; "What, you don't think of all people equally anymore!?" (not true in the way you mean it); "Is he depressed? Where did this come from?"...you get the picture. But I don't think any of these thoughts are true...except maybe the second one. I love my friends in the same way, and the close ones are still in a circle above the general populace...but I recognize that all people aren't going to connect with me in the same way. I'm not out to judge people and I'm not condemning anyone either. In the end, I ask you to not take anything I say here in the wrong way; please judge me by the way I treat you. This is just a slight shift in the way I see the world. Hopefully, it will bring me health, fulfillment, and further growth.

At the same time, I'm interested in your thoughts. Vigorous debate is still something I enjoy. Then again, I bet 5 people at max read this blog. Cheers.

Reflections

Learning Japanese has been a continuing struggle for me. I began my study of the language last August, almost as a complete beginner. My skill was limited to a fragmented knowledge hiragana, the numerals one to ten and several words and phrases I gleaned from watching anime in Japanese. That is to say, I was next to clueless. Since then I’ve made a lot of progress. From the time I arrived in Japan last August and continuing through my studies under Nishida sensei at UC, I’ve been very fortunate to have a lot of support from my teachers and my fellow students. My ability has slowly increased to the point where hiragana and katakana are easily understood and my knowledge of kanji expands every day. My vocabulary and grammar skills have also made a quantum leap since August. And yet, I have so much left to learn. It is frightening sometimes to think that, after nearly 10 months of study, I’m still so far away from fluency – from being able to sit down over coffee and read the newpaper in Japanese. Right now it takes me an hour and a half with my kanji dictionary to read one article. Heck, we don’t even have to be that ambitious; I had to study to go get a haircut!

Someone once told me that, when learning a foreign language, there comes a time when you crest the mountain and are able to pick things up at a much faster pace. I took this to heart and made it my goal to climb the mountain in order to secure my path to fluency. But every time I think I’ve reached top, I come to realize that the summit still lies far above. I’m seriously beginning to doubt that such a point exists. Perhaps in learning Japanese the summit of the mountain is fluency. In the end it is of little consequence – my eyes are still on the summit and my legs are still strong (forgive me for carrying out my metaphor to the bitter end).

But my language studies have done more than simply teach me Japanese, they’ve challenged me to make every day a learning experience and to look more closely at the world around me; to consider more carefully my interactions with others and to open my eyes to another culture that, I have come to realize, I had not truly understood, even on a basic level. In fact, still don’t think I’ve chipped off much of that iceberg! I’ve also made many wonderful new friends in my travels and studies. Before last August I could never have imagined the diverse group of people I’ve been fortunate enough to meet. I become more aware every day that there are kind people to be found all over the world...and at home as well. As other people reach out to me in kindness, I feel that, not only do I want to reciprocate that gesture, I want to do the same thing for new people.

When I say “struggle”, perhaps that creates a negative image in your head; that would be a grave misunderstanding. But learning Japanese has been, and continues to be, a struggle – a struggle against myself, against my own laziness, fear and pride. It has also been an adventure. I look forward to what it will send my way in the future.

Nostalgia Blog - Things I Remember

I remember when I lived on Ohio Ave in Cincinnati with Ryan. It was my first place out of the dorms and I loved it. Ryan was a solid roommate and since we were both Chemical Engineers, we were able to motivate each other and help each other out in class. I remember when Fallout 3 came out, Ryan would sit and play it. He refused to use the targeting system, relying on his own skill. A wise choice, because he could snipe across valleys with ease. I remember the dark room and the blue couch. I remember laughing.

I remember the neighbors next door. They were the dirtiest people imaginable. Since they continually had people over, I could never be sure who actually lived in the house. One night, they woke me up at 2:00 in the morning with their noise and music. I had a big test the next morning and needed my rest. They played the bongo drums until the cops came at 3:30. I was furious...but I had to admit to myself that their beats were pretty good. The test was mediocre.

I remember sleeping with just a sheet, the window thrown open, and my giant fan on. The apartment was so hot. I'd never been in an apartment like that. Sometimes I'd wake up at night just from the heat. I loved it. I loved that I was being challenged. Those hot nights are pleasant memories.

I remember coming home from a night out with friends, drunk. I stumbled around the apartment, allowing myself to collapse on the bed. When I woke up, I had to lay there just to stop the world from spinning. After an hour, I put on sunglasses and went to Panera for orange juice and a bagel. I was happy.

I remember the Halloween party that Michelle convinced me to go to. I didn't even have a costume, but I went anyway. I stayed for a record 5 minutes until some losers started smoking pot. I hate the smell; it gives me a headache, so I went downstairs. Not long after, a huge fight broke out between a dude in a banana suit and a guy in a toga. They toppled a trash can full of glass and fought in it. The girl downstairs asked me what was going on and called the cops. Getting the inside story, I got my group out. We ended up chilling at the apartment. There were barely enough seats.

I remember Ryan sleeping with his window/door open, even in the freezing cold, because he liked it that way. It was too cold for Jayna though, and they always fought for covers.

I remember when we went to Jungle Jim's and then made bananas foster - Ryan and I loved that dessert. I remember the joy of eating together with friends.

I remember when I left for co-op, only to realize I'd left my boots back in Cincy. After work on Monday I drove straight to Cincinnati, only to realize that I'd actually left them in Huber Heights, at home. I drove up I-75, got my boots, finally had dinner and then drove all the way back to West Virginia for work the next day. The money I spent on gas could have bought me new boots, and driving for 8 hours was a challenge, but I don't regret a thing.

I remember when Max told us about Dog Fish Head - 90 Minute IPA and Ryan and I went out and bought some at Party Source. We took it back to the apartment, let it chill, and tried it. At the time, it was the most bitter beer I had ever tasted. It was like drinking charcoal, I thought. Both Ryan and I noted how "hardcore" it was. Neither of us really liked it. I ended up drinking the rest of the case though, over the coming days. Nowadays, I realize how good that stuff is.

I remember working on Fluids and Basic Strength of Materials at my desk, my room illuminated only by the floor lamp. Ryan would work at the kitchen table, even though he had a desk in his room, and we would compare answers. Together we fixed our mistakes and learned. I doubt I'll ever have a comrade like that again.

I miss the old days, but I don't want to go back. I'm moving forward, making new memories. But please forgive this entry and allow me to...remember.

Tokyo Drifting

I feel a little bad playing off of the name of a movie I have no interest in for the title of my new blog post, but it seemed like a pretty good fit, so forgive me. It's been an extremely busy time since my last entry, so, barring a creative meltdown, you should have some interesting things to read about.

So, my last entry ended with us just about to head off to Mt. Takao with Roger and the guys, so I'll just start from there. First off, Mt. Takao is a great place off the beaten path in Tokyo. It's only about an hour away by train and the fares are extremely reasonable. Roger told us about it; it is one of his favorite places. I was happy that he was willing to share with us like that and we were all excited to go. Once we'd arrived we were immediately struck with how different this part of "Tokyo" was. Although vending machines were still everywhere, much of the traffic and noise of the city was lost. Instead, trees, small shops and shrines dominated our view. After taking a moment to get acquainted with our surroundings, Roger took the lead and we started up the beginner trail. It was a surprisingly tough climb up the mountain for me. The first third of the journey, although beautiful, is somewhat obscured in my memory by the massive effort required for me to continue walking. Still, the air was fresh and the people were friendly.

After a while, we finally reached an area where the grade was less steep and I began to enjoy myself a little more. Roger and I had good conversations about history and our lives as we enjoyed the beauty of the countryside. Akira and Andrew took a lot of grand photographs and kept us entertained with their antics. There were several places where the view of the city below was breath-taking. Finally, we reached the shrine. The first thing you see when you approach the shrine area is a massive Torii gate and a long path lined with Japanese style lantern boxes. As you progress, you eventually reach a grand stone staircase, all the while catching glimpses of the shrines above you through the trees.

The shrine buildings were certainly a site to behold - the detail and thought that was put into the architecture is readily apparent, and the many statues surrounding the building create an aura of mysticism that I have seldom experienced. Eventually, Roger had to leave us to meet his wife and we began the final leg of our journey: the climb to the summit. It wasn't so bad, but by the time we reached the top we were extremely thirsty, so we stopped at a vending machine and got drinks. After downing our drinks, we went out to the overlook to see if we could spot Mt. Fuji in the distance. Unfortunately, it was obscured by the mist...but it was a grand view anyway.



And so, feeling victorious, we headed down the mountain, stopping for ice cream along the way. By the time we got halfway down, there were absolutely no lights and night was upon us, so we proceeded carefully in the dark. It was a lot of fun. The train ride home was quiet; we were all quite tired.

The next day was slightly less strenuous, but did see us heading out on another adventure. We went to a Japanese clothing store to attempt the dye our own towels and handkerchiefs with natural indigo dye. It was especially challenging because the store owner only spoke Japanese and we had no translator. However, we made it through alright and our cloth came out quite nicely. Went to Shibuya with our friends from Taiwan afterwords to do some shopping. I left a little early because I was tired and we had all kinda split up anyway.

Friday was set to be another big day because I was meeting my language partner in Harajuku after walking through Meiji-Jingu with Roger. Meiji-jingu is a park dedicated to the memory of the Emperor Meiji and is a most excellent place for a walk indeed. It also has a incredible Torii and shrine along with a peaceful tree-lined paths. Apparently, it has a distinct sort of beauty in every season. I'd like to go back to see it in each of its forms. I've unfortunately lost my videos concerning it, but since I plan on going back it is okay. If I had to choose one place to visit in Tokyo, it would probably be there. I feel like it just resonated with me, somewhat like Ueno did. Also, I really enjoyed talking with Roger...not to mention reaping the benefits of his knowledge of Japan. I give him my heartfelt thanks.

After our walk, I went to wait for my language partner, Tomoko, while Roger went home. Tomoko is another one of the excellent people I have been fortunate enough to be introduced to while in Japan. We met up, walked around Harajuku, and talked about all sorts of things. For example, she thought it was funny that I knew that Japanese word for right (directional) but not left. Here's kinda how the conversation went:

T: So you know the word for right...why not left?
J: Right is just easier to remember...
T: Left is easy too!
J: Hmm, humph. みぎ and...
T: ...ひだり It is easy to remember.
J: Hahaha, okay, I think I've got it now.

I haven't forgot it since. Another funny story is when I explained to her what the English phrase "pull it off" meant using a hypothetical bank robbery scenario.

J:"Do you think we can pull it off?"
"We're smart and are quick. We can pull it off."

We ended up settling in a cafe and talking about a play. I also had the opportunity to share some of my favorite music with her, i.e., Flogging Molly and Modest Mouse. She was kind enough to listen and seemed to enjoy it. It was an excellent evening.

Saturday was another day of constant motion. I left the apartment early in the morning to meet with Robert, Kurt, and Tyler, the co-ops from UC currently working in Japan, in Shinjuku for a trip to Enoshima and Kamakura. They are all truly excellent individuals and I learned a lot about what living in Japan for an extended period is like from them. Robert was gracious enough to provide me with a ton of useful information about places to go too. Anyway, after reasonable train trip we stepped out, much to my (ignorant as I am) surprise, into a bay-side area. I was overwhelmed by the wonderful sea-breeze.

The short walk to the island of Enoshima was dominated of tales for Robert of climbing Mt. Fuji and hiking through Hokkaido. Upon reaching the island, the adventure really began as we climbed up the steps leading us around the island. Please enjoy this video of Robert explaining the legend behind the island.



On the island I took a lot of great videos of the sea, the cliffs, and the grand buildings. We also ended up inside a cave on the far side of the island where the dragon in the story of the island is supposedly enshrined and then took the path less traveled along the far side of the island to get back. Inside the cave we walked with candles and saw supposedly naturally neon florescent rocks...that really just looked spray-painted. It is a tough call though. The cave was great because it was so cool and there was water dripping everywhere. There were also a ton of old statues lining the paths.

After our island experience we went to Kamakura. We several shrines both big and small and hiked all around following the hiking path. I enjoyed both the company and the architecture. It was great exploring a new place so rich with culture and an array of impressive sites. Perhaps I'll go into a bit more detail later, but I'll at least talk about the Daibutsu now but it was my favorite. This was maybe the third place we went to and it was surrounded by a wall. I paid my two dollars to get in and saw a sight unlike any other.

Here is the video of the Daibutsu 大仏 we saw. When I first saw it appear through the trees I truly realized I was in a foreign land. I must emphasize how very impressed I was by it - I was awestruck.



For those of you who don't want to watch the video I'll say that the Daibutsu is a gigantic statue of Buddha that towers over you while sitting in a peaceful pose.

I'm afraid this entry has gone on too long. But I'll have to do another one soon because there is so very much left to tell. I hope you all enjoyed this one though. Thank you for reading so far! Here's wishing you all the best.

**BONUS VIDEO**



A video of a small amount of the cheering that occurs nearly constantly at Japanese baseball games. Cheers.

The Second Update

Well, I heck of a lot has happened since my last update. The videos I'm posting today though are only about one of them though. Perhaps the coolest thing I've seen so far in Japan is the Kaminarimon and Sensou-ji. That is, the Gate of the Thunder God and the temple Sensou-ji. My goodness was that some amazing architecture. It was a great visual and culture experience and I was certainly happy to be able to take it all in.

For those of you who wanted souvenirs (and some of you who didn't), it is worth mentioning that I picked up some really great things at the Tokyo National Museum. I hope that they meet with your approval. Speaking of the Tokyo National Museum, we went there yesterday (Sunday 16th). It was a generally great time and was comparable to a top notch museum in the states. The one crucial dilemma was that there weren't English translations for some of the objects on display (not that I'd expect there to be, really), but, honestly, they provided a lot more English descriptions than I expected...it was more than enough to give me a feel of what I was looking at. I saw exhibits on Japanese archeology, swords, art, and Buddhism, among others. We also took the English language tour (by volunteers). That was really nice, but I think I liked going on my own more.

After the museum, my friend Akira's father took us out for an authentic Japanese meal. I had so much food! He ordered us tons of great things like, sashimi, tofu, fried tofu, mackerel, roasted miso paste and nuts, cow tongue, and Japanese salad. Of course we also had a round of beers and then Akira's father and I got to drinking sake. We each had three tokkuri in traditional Japanese style. I was pretty much done at that point and we left to go on a walk through Ueno's famous park...that's when he saw an Irish pub. So, I learned how to drink like a Japanese business man and about the interesting life of Akira's father. I must say he was very, very kind to us all. Surprisingly enough I made it home with little trouble and woke up (after sleeping for 10 hours) feeling rested and ready for class. Amazing! Class really did go well today too. We learned how to talk about our families. Good stuff.

Well, I'm doing well here in Japan. We're going to a Tea Ceremony tomorrow, out with our friend Roger on Wednesday, to a clothing making event in Kamagome on Thursday, and then on Friday I am meeting up with my Japanese language partner in Harajuku. Busy times, but good times. I hope you all are going very well back home...or wherever you may be. Cheers.

Here's a video of the Bon Festival we went to over the weekend. I absolutely loved the dancing and stayed after other people had left.

The biggest event of the night was yet to come. Since the festival was far away in Yokohama we took a long time getting back on the train. We arrived Iidabashi station at 12:13AM and made a mad dash, 480m, to catch our train at 12:15. Although I ended up falling down the stairs, hurting my knee, and ripping holes in both of the knees of my pants, we made it...and were promptly kicked out 8 stops into our 16 stop journey since the train's last stop was in Toyocho. That began an adventure of epic proportions: a four hour, >9 mile walk, crossing three rivers, that finally saw us all falling into bed at 4:30 in the morning. My right leg was shot and I had blisters like you wouldn't believe, but it was an experience unlike any other. There is no better way to learn a city than to walk it, and let's just say we got to know a good bit of Tokyo and Ichikawa that night. Good times and lots of good stories. Cooper got a lot of it on film with my HD video camera...I'm sure he'll have something worth sharing in the future.

Well, just a short update tonight. I hope you all are well!

The Journey Begins

Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet. Allow me to update you on my crazy and exciting life. Anyway, that's what I said on June 13th when I started this entry...maybe I can finish it now.

For those of you who don't know, and there probably aren't many of you nowadays, I will be leaving for Japan on August 1st. I'll be taking language classes in Tokyo for 7 weeks while living with my friend, the excellent Mr. Chris Cooper. This is, to me, very exciting. But you folks should probably not worry about it too much.

Other miscellaneous updates for your information (numbered, for your convenience!):

1.Spring quarter was an amazing success, at least as far as classes go. I learned a lot and got good grades. The Chemical Engineers also had some crazy nights out that I'll remember for years to come.

2.Two of my best friends were married on June 27th. I was a groomsman. It was a gorgeous ceremony. Unfortunately, I got a bad sinus infection directly after the wedding. Better than before it though, right?

3.I realized that I'm actually quite poor and going to Japan is going to kill me financially...but screw it; I am going. If I give this up I will never forgive myself. My family's motto is "Fortitor et celeriter". It is time I lived up to it.

4.I'm on co-op now and working as a project manager. Basically, I ensure that work gets done correctly, safely, cheaply, and on time. I'm pretty busy. It is as close as I've ever been to enjoying my work. I could actually see myself doing this for a living...for more than a year even. It is weird when older people call me "sir" though.

5.There was this girl that I liked/like and I told people about her. That's probably going nowhere...and not just because I'm going somewhere. I'll throw all the optimism I have at it though, folks. *mmmph*

6.On an unrelated note, I'm still depressed about being told off on Friday. Who knew I was so sensitive? I'll get over it, but I had to tell someone.

7.I love tennis. David beat me handily this past weekend though. I'm 1-1 on the summer...a higher win percentage than the Reds...admittedly, it is a much smaller sample size.


So here's the part of the entry where I stop condensing my life into bullet points and start a more intellectual discussion. I want to make two mostly unrelated points.

First, regarding the Internet as a political tool. The protesters in Tehran made international headlines by opposing the reelection of incumbent President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in what many consider to be a massive case of electoral fraud. While this was occurring, the Iranian government confined foreign journalists to their hotel rooms and offices, shut off cell phones, and severely limited internet access. All in a bid to stifle the ability of protesters to organize and get information out to international media outlets.

Before we go any further, let us all take a moment to reflect on how frightening it is that governments are capable of that degree of censorship. We can only speculate as to what our own, much more technologically advanced government is capable of. Frankly though, if you'll excuse my momentary descent into conspiracy theory territory, I feel that the US government has much more subtle mechanisms of control than the rather heavy-handed techniques employed by the Iranian government. But needless to say, if you make the government angry, they're more than capable of cutting you off from the world and making you disappear.

/end tangent

My real point arises from a unique facet of the demonstrations: the usage of proxy servers by Iranian dissidents to access social networking sites (read: Twitter) in order to post their first hand accounts of events on the ground. The optimist in me has this to say: hooray!, a new age of communications is upon us. The birth of our global communications network which crosses borders has brought us closer than ever to a unified world. The people of the world need no longer suffer in silence.

But let's face it folks, things aren't so simple. First, although many Iranians did reach the outside world using Twitter and its contemporaries, the net result was first, minimal, and second, only achieved through the utilization of more traditional, mainstream media outlets. If the BBC and NBC hadn't told you the Iranians were on Twitter, you probably weren't going to hear about it. Also, the nature of identity on the internet of unreliable at best. We really have no idea who is feeding us information on the majority of social networking sites/blogs etc. This makes reporting difficult and justifying any decision-making based on the information obtained from such accounts very difficult. Finally, ignoring these technical issues which can perhaps be resolved or debated, the real problem is that many people don't have access to food and water, let alone cell phones and internet access. The oppressed people of the world can't all cry out to us on Twitter when they don't even have electricity.

Maybe that's going too far though. Maybe my point about global poverty borders on the non sequitur. It is undeniable that, as we progress technologically, more specifically, as we continue to explore the possibilities brought about by our newfound ability to connect to each other nearly instantaneously, the ability of governments oppress their people continues to diminish. I feel that, the more we share with each other, the more we will feel like we are one people sharing this planet. Maybe we can start to rethink our prejudices and hatreds. Hopefully within my lifetime we can come a lot closer to seeing how stupid killing each other really is. If technology can bring that about, it is worth it.

The second issue I want to address is in the same vein as my last discussion. However, it is more of a rant than anything else. I'm sick of a couple of things. First, I'm sick of the pointless animosity between those who fight under the banners "Democrat" and "Republican". So many people use these and other similar labels as a device to demonize anyone who disagrees with them. They also allow politicians to avoid the intricacies inherent in everyone's political views and dismiss them out of hand. I think this environment is, first and foremost, self-perpetuating in that it attracts the wrong sort of individual to politics and, second and perhaps more damagingly, a detriment to intelligent political discourse. How can we come to a proper compromise when we dismiss each other as an enemy? How can we understand an issue when we disrespect the opposing viewpoint that is shared by a large number of people who think it is the right thing? How can a truly honest and moderate politician, which most people seem to want, come to power when the elections are a contest of fundraising, mud-slinging, and political pandering?

And don't think this rant has anything to do with President Obama - though I might consider saying something against him just to goad you gypsies into a reaction. But, frankly, I think he's done a good job so far with everything that has been thrown at him. I would have done things much differently with the economy, but there isn't always one right answer. And if things don't work out, people need to try to avoid scapegoating...something our country loves to do. But as far as foreign relations go...I'd say he's been top notch. Non-interventionalist rhetoric is a breath of fresh air. But I'm rambling again.

I hate to just rant on and on without presenting any thoughts as to how things can be changed, but it is so difficult to think of how we can get away from this destructive trend of party politics...which does, admittedly, have some advantages. Perhaps if we just made it a policy to try to be friends, not call each other names, and see things from the other side before making decisions we would see some change. People almost never see themselves as "evil"; they almost always have the best of intentions. Karl Marx may have been right when he said that "The path to Hell is paved with good intentions", but if by the end of the path we get to the point where we see that we're really all on the same side...Hell really can't be that bad.


Well, I've rambled on enough tonight. I apologize, dear reader. Hopefully you got something positive out of this blog entry. I really did mean well. You have my best wishes.

Sine Qua Non

*munching on animal crackers*

*crunch* *crunch* *crunch*

Oh, you were waiting on me to say something...alright then. I know of no rule against typing with one's mouth full.

My co-op quarter here in West Virginia/Belpre, Ohio is nearing its end. I'm going to be working through spring break to make more money and to avoid the inevitable boredom of having nothing scheduled for a week. I'm not saying I wouldn't have a lot of good times hanging out with my friends...but they can't be with me all of the time and a lot of them are going to be working through the break too. But yeah, it has been a very productive co-op. After the disappointment that seemed to follow me back to Cincy after the last co-op quarter, I'm glad that I was able to improve myself and perform in a way I could be more satisfied with. I took the initiative; I made the phone calls; I came back again and again for more work. So, I'm proud of what I was able to get done and, in spite of the mistakes I made, I know that I did good work, learned things, and improved myself as well. Success.

It's thundering out there tonight. There are many times when I love this sort of weather and tonight is one of them. Thunder and lightning are so grand, so...majestic. Plus, I'm quite glad that the cold days are almost completely behind me.

So, two of my best friends are get married (to each other) this June. You can't believe how happy I am for them. I'm invited to the wedding too, to be in it, in fact. How awesome is that? I get to be part of something that important in their lives. It will be the first wedding I've been invited to as a friend and that is kinda the beginning of a new era in and of itself. Now if I could only come up with the perfect wedding present!

It does get me thinking though...people my age are getting married and I've had ONE girlfriend nearly FOUR years ago. I have to give myself some props...that's pretty epic. Jacob, are you worried? No, no, no. It's just funny. I don't know if I'll ever be impressed again.

I saw that Watchmen movie Saturday, you know, the one that everyone has been talking about? No? Well, I enjoyed it, on the whole. There were a couple of great lines, some amazing imagery, and several satisfying moments. It also had a decidedly philosophical bent to it. I always appreciate that sort of thing. I thought Dr. Manhattan's point about how each human, as a unique individual existing out of all other possible individuals, is a miracle (he was thinking about one in particular at the time though) was pretty grand. One thing a lot of us neglect to think about is how great it is just to be alive. I didn't exist for a long time and I'm glad that came to an end. Hopefully I can stick around for a while.

So, the title of this particular post is Latin for "without which not" or perhaps "without which nothing". I grabbed it off of Battlestar: Galactica (which is one of the best things to show up on TV for a long time). In the episode it was explained as referring to something which you cannot see yourself living without. That is, if it was taken away from you, life would be unlivable. I'm guessing it is generally a person, unless you're Patrick Henry (liberty or death...get it?). Anyway, it struck a cord with me, so now you gypsies have to deal with it for a brief moment.

Well, I can't think of anything else to say. The animal crackers are gone too.

Dancing in the Fire

Hello folks, I'll avoid the cliche of talking about how long it has been since I wrote in here...oops. Anyway, I find myself at an interesting point in my life once again. I've been to Vegas, gambled and won. I've had my best Christmas break in recent memory. I've started back at my job in West Virginia and am living the dream.

Well, it isn't quite that grand. Work isn't as satisfying as I'd like. It is close to the point where I would say that I dread going to work. I'm glad to have a job though...I feel bad for the people who are not so fortunate.

There are bad times on the horizon for a lot of people. People are losing their jobs left and right. In fact, today Circuit City announced they are liquidating all of their assets and closing all of their stores. That means 35,000 people will have lost their jobs. Just terrible. I'm hoping to dodge the bullet on all of this (loans, job, etc) but my perennial luck has its limits. You know, I'm really rooting for this new administration coming into power Tuesday...but there are no miracles in government and it may be too little too late. I also worry about how we're going to pay down our massive debt even if we do survive this mess.

It hasn't helped that a large majority of my free time has recently been consumed by Fallout 3 for the X-Box 360 and Cormac McCarthy's The Road. Neither of them paint a pretty picture for the future and I often find myself agreeing with them. But this too shall pass.

On a slightly lighter note, I fell in love with House MD (the show, though Hugh is pretty sweet) over break and now have all of the DVD's. House is an extremely interesting character. I feel there's a little House in me, so I learn a little about myself by watching the show. Of course, I'm not addicted to Vicodin or anything.

I promised to write a post about my time in Sin City...I obviously delayed doing so. To be honest, after returning I was intellectually and physically exhausted. I hadn't recovered from school where I literally worked myself into an illness (and still managed to be lazy). It was a tough quarter though I did grow a lot closer to Ryan and Jayna who I miss a lot. And then after I recovered I was busy with Christmas, New Year's, and moving here. So, here I am.

This time in Parkersburg I've found myself a lot more lonely than I used to be. I knew before I even left that it was going to be this way. I don't really understand why though. For some reason I just feel really close to my friends these days. Tonight I turned to my bourbon. Yeah, I drink. My advice: Don't drink alone if you can avoid it, folks. I mean, I'm obviously not drunk and it did help me to feel less depressed...but it is a bad place to be. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. Whatever, I miss my friends. I guess I could call them, but I'd rather see them. It'd be better if they called me...especially certain people. Don't feel bad though, I'm sure the blame lies with me.

Vegas. Let me tell you, it was different than any place I'd ever been before. I had some good company and saw some amazing sights. I played blackjack, roulette, and the slots and I won on everything but blackjack which was really fast-paced. It was a constant assault on the senses walking around that town. Lots of amazing architecture and lighting and a constant barrage of advertisements for shows and women. I could probably write a big piece about prostitution but I don't have the readership or the drive to make it worthwhile. Needless to say it is not an industry I anticipate ever utilizing...but there isn't much to say beyond that which wouldn't take me several paragraphs. Oh, I saw Blue Man Group in Vegas too. My goodness, they are amazing. Spencer has good taste.

It's Saturday now...Was there something else you wanted to know?

Karma Payment Plan

Wow, a lot has happened since I've last had the pleasure of addressing you all. First off, a shout out to Randy Eckman on his birthday; I wish him all the best. He's a talented and hardworking fellow with, mark my words, a bright future in engineering. I have no doubt he'll blow me out of the water someday. Another shout out to Jennifer Blincoe who has just returned to us from far away Korea. I don't think she reads this thing, but that isn't that point. Anyway, on with the show.

Life has been absolutely crazy lately. I've been trying to keep in touch with a great many people and let me tell you, it has been a grand time. My friends are really some of the best people in the world. There's been a lot of adventure in my life too...and a lot of thinking. This post intends to cover them both.

On the adventure side of thing I recently went on a weekend camping/Cedar Point trip with my friends Jeremy and James. It had been in works for a while and all parties involved were really looking forward to it. The night before I was set to leave I received a call from James finalizing plans. It was decided that due to our similar departure times, the trip there would be something of an informal "race". James, in the spirit of competition, declared that he would emerge the victor because I would blow a tire on the way up. I knew immediately that I was doomed. Through the day at work before the trip the thought lingered with me that James' proclamation might actually occur. I tried to think of ways to prevent it...but nothing made much sense, so I just went on with things.

As I left my apartment I felt optimistic about the coming weekend. I knew that grand times were ahead of me. However, as soon as I got on the highway I knew there was trouble. My driver's side front tire was vibrating badly at any significant speed. I stopped at a rest area to survey the situation and found nothing to justify immediate action, i.e. a puncture or flat. So, I continued on. Not 2 miles up the highway my tire physically explodes...a piece of it flying past my side window. I had been staying in the right lane just in case and pulled over as soon as I regained full control of my vehicle. I sounded bad.

I exited the car and finally understood how the strips of rubber come to lie on the side of the highway. The entire outer layer, the crucial belt of my tire was destroyed. I set about retrieving my port-o-jack and spare from the trunk compartment. One was flat and the other suspended in standing water, rusting. I had no option but to proceed. Unfortunately, the rusted state of the jack and its confusing design forced me to call my father for advice on its usage. However, my reception was terrible and after a snippet of advice I was on my own. After five more minutes working on that jack I was still lost and was about to call again when I looked down to find that my cell phone was no longer functional and would not even turn off.

Faced with the prospect of walking the 10 miles to the next town (I saw no logic in returning to the rest area because I did not even have the proper numbers to call the other co-ops for help...and I was not about to beg), I suddenly became aware that there was only two ways the jack could possibly work and any resistance to proper function was being caused by rust. My thought was this: work it or wreck it. Fortunately, I was able to do the former and after considerable effort put my spare on.

So now I'm driving down the highway at 40 mph on a flat spare tire going who knows where, with my emergency lights on waving cars past me. I finally got off the highway onto a long and winding "Deliverance"-esque road towards the same mystery location...again holding up traffic. After a good ten minutes of guesswork driving I ended up in a hole-in-the-wall store asking for directions to the nearest Wal-Mart. However, much to my surprise I was directed to a local store, "Henathorne's Tire and Gun", for my tire needs. On my way out, I was confronted by an aging hippie who lent me his portable air pump to fill my flat spare. I thanked him and was going to shake his hand when he surprised me with a full on hug. Well, I didn't mind; he was a good fellow. It caught me off guard though. I also figured out that by temporarily removing my phones battery I could restore it to proper function. The first person I called was James...it is doubtful he will ever he me curse that much again. Honestly folks, it had to be done, whether or not you believe in such silly things. The event would simply not be right if I didn't at least pretend to blame James. Fun times.

Anyway, after a 4 mile drive I finally arrived at the garage. Inside I encountered an old couple, a young boy, and a younger girl playing with a yellow dog. I explained the situation and the young boy was tasked with dealing with my tire. He was a decent fellow who commented on the terrible state of my blown tire and my shinai in the trunk. I took care of my spare, notified my parents of my survival, and went in to pay. $83.32 all in all. I planned to pay with my Visa. However, as luck would have it, the card machine was unable to communicate with the main server. This was bad. I was preparing to barter my sleeping bag when I checked my wallet to find that I had exactly $83...fortunately for me I hadn't bought that bag of M&M's from the vending machine at work. I returned to my car for exact change, paid in full, and was on my way. An adventure before the weekend had even truly began. But such is life. What mattered was that I was on my way...

More to come on the trip soon.

Valor

I don't know where this post is going to go.

It's been a long time since you've heard from me through this particular source. You're missing out! Whatever, right? I kept a paper journal there for a while...when I had no Internet. But nowadays I waste a lot of time on my X-Box 360. I will pick it back eventually though.

Work is going very well. I'm kept fairly busy and given relevant projects. People are also very kind to me, which I need. I need support.

Being back in Parkersburg on my own (pretty much) I've begun to realize some things that I could never really be sure of before.

1. I prefer living on my own and working rather than going to school.
2. I miss the city of Cincinnati, not just the people (though I miss them as well).
3. I have no qualms about being an adult and dealing with everything that entails. I thrive on responsibility and am my own person already.
4. I need to work out more.

Those things are new. Particularly accented of late has been my complete failure to interact with women of my peer group in any capacity other than as friends. It's depressing, and as much as my good friends will disagree, it is not simply me being selective or the right person not being out there...these are all good excuses, but they can only be used up to a point; no, it is me. I am just terrible at romance. The ways I show I care and the way I express myself in that regard are not cutting it. People either don't get me or get me but decide friendship is better. This isn't me being hard on myself. I like myself. Other people don't though...as evidenced by me never being in a serious relationship. There are worse fates though, I suppose. At least I have my health.

I was home this weekend and kept pretty busy between friends and family obligations. The 4th of July is a big holiday in my family. It's probably my favorite holiday...though I think the best day of the year is New Year's Eve if it is spent with my friends as per tradition. I did find time to watch Howl's Moving Castle in English and in Japanese though. It is very good. So there.

Well, if you need to talk to me, give me a ring or something.

Live from Cincinnati...

Hello my friends and my best wishes to all of you. This update comes to you with no greater plan or purpose. Let's just see what happens when I let myself go with the aid of some Weezer and Modest Mouse. Before we begin though, I want to emphasize how grand Weezer is. In many ways I think they're the band closest to the one that I'd form if I formed a band. I love their thoughtful lyrics, creative videos, superb musicianship, catchy tunes, use of dissonance, and wonderful chords...among other things.

Anyway, this past weekend I found myself...actually, that's not true, I chose to go to Cleveland this weekend with my friend Crystal. I can't remember what the original reason she wanted to go was, but it is her home and she has a lot of friends there that she wanted to see and that's reason enough really. I was happy to provide transportation to and from Cleveland. It was a unique opportunity for me really. I got to meet a ton of new people and experience a new city for three days. It was definitely crazy, though I would not have expected anything less. I'm not going to run through a ton of details for you all, mainly because I do not really have the desire to chronicle the entire trip for you, but I will say that I saw Lake Erie for the first time and had also tried Denny's. Ah, that reminds me of something...not Denny's, gypsies, I was thinking of what else I did this weekend and remembered something I meant to write about.

So, this past Sunday found me watching television with Crystal. Those of you who know me know that watching television can be hard on me at times...this was one of those times. No offense to anyone who enjoys TV, but it is seldom "for me". But I digress. I ended up sitting in the room where I was staying with nothing really to do. A thought crossed my mind: I have that big book in my trunk...why not read that? Well, for those of you not possessing an intimate knowledge of the trunk of my car or my Sunday morning, the book I'm referring to is a collection of the essays, speeches, and poetry of Ralph Waldo Emerson. I'm sure a few of my friends know that Emerson and I go way back, but those people probably don't read this blog. So, I'll just let you all know that in my junior year of high school, I became a fan of his and even played him in a skit. But again, I digress. I opened up the book and began to read "Nature". It's not an easy read by any estimation, but I was doing pretty well. However, that television was still audible in the background and it was killing me. Crystal, please don't be unhappy with me for saying so, I don't blame you in the least. *ahem* I decided to do something different. I decided to read aloud to myself.

The first few sentences were shaky as I found a good pacing, but soon I was really getting into it. I took care not to speak to loudly though, I didn't want to be heard because it seemed what I was doing was very silly. However, I really was getting into it. The words not only resonated with me, but the style of writing allowed me convert the text to speech quite well. Anyway, I read nearly the whole thing before it was time to leave the house and I felt grand. I've got to say, it was the closest thing to a spiritual experience I've had in years. That's saying something. I might even try it again in the future.

On another subject, college is winding down, as is my interest in it. I'm ready to get back to working, living on my own terms, and making money. I just hope it isn't a lonely summer. I've had good times with my friends this quarter. Certain people have made it known to me that they might visit me during the upcoming quarter; I hope that works out for both of us. I'm just sorry I am going to be living in such a boring area and that I will be working 5 days a week. Oh, my 21st birthday is this summer as well. It seems the accepted idea is that I am to return to Huber for that weekend (as my birthday falls on a Saturday), but I might not feel like it. 95% chance that's where I'll be though. Anyway, do try to say "hello" to me on my birthday though...I really do like to be spoken to.

I am beginning to wonder if I'm an independent person or an unstable person. Perhaps I am both. I certainly have my own ideas and am not afraid to make them known. Only time will tell how I turn out. I hope that at least some of you are there to see it with me.

Public enemy number 1, that's me. I think I've taken a step backward. I like myself less right now. It's not nearly as bad as it has been, but I don't feel the calm I used to feel. Maybe co-op will help again. And don't you gypsies dare worry, because I'll be alright. I'm not going to end this on an emo note, so allow me to encourage you to check out Weezer's newest music video for their new single "Pork and Beans".

"Imma do the things that I wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think"

If tomorrow never comes...

Okay, so the the last post was a lie. However, in my defense, I was up until 5 in the morning that Sunday night working on lab reports for organic chemistry. Anyway, I've neglected this blog for a number of reasons since then, some reasonable, some not quite as pressing, but that's life. I'm not going to promise to be better about it anymore...but I will do what I can.

So the last few weeks have been a whirlwind, and my head continues to spin from it. There's a lot going on in my life. I'm not going to go into too much detail about some things, however, due to the nature of the material. But try not to worry too much about it, gypsies.

Well, since it's been so long since I've updated, I guess I should start by saying that I'm back at UC (and have been since the tail end of March) after a very successful co-op at Kraton Polymers. This academic quarter has offered a myriad of new and exciting challenges and opportunities and I feel that I've really stepped up and faced them with the kind of effort worth being proud of. My grades are solid and my social life is complicated but grand. I've even scheduled my classes for the fall. Guys, it is going to be exciting. I've got 21 credit hours worth of classes...17 of them are pure engineering. That in itself is awesome. I no longer have to deal with labs or non-engineering math classes. Instead I'll be learning material directly related to my major. However, engineering classes are not the only things I'm taking. Much to my surprise, I was able to fit in Men's Choir and Asian Civilizations: Japan. Those classes should be grand and help keep me fresh when the engineering classes are testing my sanity. The Japanese class is also my first step towards international co-op. Hooray!

Hmm. I've been really happy lately. I think that living on my own for co-op really helped my develop myself even further as a person. I consider myself a true adult now...I even eat tomatoes (an inside joke). I also do not feel that I have a set home anymore. I am in transit and I have yet to create a space for myself beyond my person. That's fine...that is life. As evidenced by my previous revelations, I have been thinking about my future a lot more lately. I'm much more optimistic about my prospects. I believe I can become the happy and successful person I want to become. I am also happy with the person I am right now...and that's something I'm quite proud of.

Apologies if I've been redundant in this post, by the way. But there are certain things I feel I have to be sure are conveyed. Other news...I'll be in Cleveland for Memorial Day. That will be my first time up there. I'm excited about seeing and experiencing a new place. I also found out that I'll have about a week after school ends before I have to return to Belpre/Parkersburg. I'll try to hang out with as many people as possible in that period.

I suppose I should try to wax poetic or philosophic at some point in this post for you gypsies. However, I don't really want to be preachy. Well, at the very least I can say that I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality lately. Life really is beautiful and fragile. I think people have adapted to avoid thinking about that sort of thing. Or perhaps it's just that people don't need to think about things too thoroughly. Just think about it though...every time someone dies, that's a life exactly as deep and as important as yours being ended. It makes me sad. I just hope that I live for a lot longer than I already have. I have a lot of things I want to do. But once I'm dead I will not really have regrets...please don't think I'm being morbid, I'm a happy person, remember?

But seriously folks, life is grand and we'll be in touch soon, right? I hope so. Cheers and best wishes, my friends.

Post pending

There'll be a new blog for you all by the end of the week. You all deserve it.

EDIT: Sorry folks...it's a work in progress though.

Don't Come Back

Long time no talk (or at least legitimate talk), comrades. I've been making excuses and actually even took down a blog post that I didn't feel happy with in the long break between my entries (I suppose I'll put it back up because Jess seemed to think it was okay). I'm sure no one waits with bated breath for these things, but I still feel a little guilty about neglecting this project of mine.

Anyway, to establish a setting I'm living in Parkersburg, West Virginia and I work in Belpre, Ohio at Kraton Polymers Belpre Elastomer Plant. Fun fact, we're named after the god of strength. My job takes me out in the field some days and on the computer entering or analyzing data on others. It's pretty epic. I cook all of my own food and take care of myself nearly completely. That's a first for me. Being away everyone I know has been a little trying at times. There have been lonely nights. But overall it has been a great experience so far. I'm truly living my own life here. I'd like to highlight my trip to Athens two weekends ago to visit Tori and see Jess (who was also visiting)...and also other Jess, Tori's roommate with whom I have, as I often say of late, "infinite common interest". That was great times. I absolutely love Athens. It has a lot of unique places to shop and eat as well as a laid-back atmosphere I appreciate to no end. Not to mention it was the first time I had seen any of my old friends in a good while. I won't go into all of the lovely details for fear of boring you, but it should be known that I plan on visiting Tori and Athens again soon.

I suppose it would be prudent of me to take time out to mention that I'm not totally alone in Parkersburg. I have two other co-ops living across the hall from me to keep me company, Kirby and Lendell. Very interesting fellows indeed. Kirby and I share an office and carpool to work. He is a thoroughly enjoyable new comrade. Lendell sticks more to himself but is a friendly fellow. I'm quite glad that I'm not totally alone here. Of course that's not to imply I've been a state of communications blackout. Now that I have the Internet (it did take two weeks from when I moved in) I can chat with my friends (and post on my blog). However, I'm very thankful for the phone calls from my friends (particularly Jennifer who calls me often), they really help me make it through the week. David also deserves a lot of credit for actually writing me a letter; cheers to that. I only wish I could talk to and see all of my friends. But that's simply not happening at the moment.

Anyway, what really compelled me to write this blog post was an experience I had today. As some of you may know, I tutor at the local junior high every other week as a Kraton community outreach representative. Everyone who hears about this is always surprised for some reason. Whatever. Well, today was tutoring day and I was assigned to work with a very interesting 8th grader who was attempting to master the art of percents. Well, he was having a lot of problems. But I introduced myself to him at sat down to try to work through things with him. He had a few of his assigned problems copied down from the board, but they were not numbered correctly and illegible (at least to me), so I endeavored to explain the concepts to him without worrying about his previous work. I worked with him for a solid hour and it still seemed like he wasn't getting things. But at the last minute I think I got him to understand the basic formula that he was dealing with. (To teach these kids about percents they use the formula: Change/Original = %/100) For some reason, the poor kid just couldn't get it into his head...at least until the end.

Almost a complete loss...that's what you're thinking, right? That's not how I felt. This kid talked to me in a way he couldn't talk to his teacher. He told me how he didn't get it but wanted to. How he was sick this weekend and today but couldn't stay home. How he hated that his teacher treated him like a child. And how the methods used by the teacher to solve problems felt not like learning a concept, but simply memorizing a formula. This kid was critical of the teaching methods he was being subjected to. I told him sometimes you just had to get things done how they had to be done and move on, regardless of true learning and understanding. He said to me, "Isn't [learning] what math is about? Isn't it what life is about?" Maybe I'm a sentimental fool but I think this kid, despite his flaws, was really fairly intelligent. I'm willing to paint him a victim of our factory-line style of education. He didn't learn like the other kids and as a result he didn't feel like making an effort anymore. But when I sat down with him, really talked to him, worked with him as an equal to further his understanding...he truly responded and tried. From what his teacher told me that's something he hardly ever does nowadays.

I don't blame his teacher at all. We had a talk after class about the student. She recognized his potential and tried every trick she knew to get him to work with her...but a teacher in a standard staff position can't help a kid like this. She has to focus on the broader spectrum and on achieving state mandated goals. She must tailor to the masses. My friends, this kid needed real individual attention, someone to level with him and work to find how he learns best. From here out I can only hope things work out for him in the future...but for a little while I was able to help. It was amazing.

But really, the experience got me thinking. I could handle being a teacher. In fact, given the proper tools and space, I could probably be decent at it. And I think that there's no more noble a way than teaching kids to leave your mark on the world and influence the future in a positive way. *sigh* Another life I'll never live.

It's not that bad though. When I truly put it to mind, I can be everything I want to be in one life. Engineer by trade. Singer in my heart. Teacher to my children. Philosopher and poet among my friends and in my free time. Linguist in my travels. Actor on the stage we call life.

Who can complain about a fate like that?

Slight Delay

I wrote something for you all tonight, but it seemed a little pretentious. I didn't like the way it sounded. So I'm sorry, but you'll all just have to wait for the weekend and a better post. Cheers.

I Tried to Be, But I'm Not

I guess this entry has been both a long time coming and both a new revelation. Today my new friend Kirby asked me quite directly why I was in the engineering field. I thought I knew generally why he asked, but I asked him anyway. He said that in many ways the way I present myself leads him to believe that I'm more of a liberal arts sorta guy. He said it was mostly the way I talked and the things I talked about. It may seem strange, but I was flattered. In some ways that is the person I want to be seen as: a liberal arts kinda guy who is successful as an engineer (forgive me if it seems I'm giving myself too much credit). I was fairly happy that someone I had only recently come into contact with got a similar feeling about me. But his question got me thinking about things again.

This is really one of my essential dilemmas. In many ways I feel a major (and subsequently, with any luck, a career) in the liberal arts would be much more suited to my needs and desires as an individual...and indeed, many of my friends from high school have chosen to take paths of that general nature. I won't lie and tell you that on certain occasions I don't envy them on some level. I could have taken that route; I still could. On many I have no doubt it would provide great satisfaction for me if I did take that path.

But I'm not going to go that way, folks (though I still plan on furthering myself in such areas for years to come). I chose my major and future career for several good reasons that continue to hold true. The reason I answered Kirby with is that I recognize that I do have some talent in engineering and I think I could do the most to positively influence the world and the future by pursuing that part of myself. I truly want to work on something that will make life better for the people around me in a significant manner. I want to do as much for the world and for people as I can, while I can. No offense to anyone, but I just don't feel that if I pursued a career in language, literature, or philosophy (which would, in some way, shape, or form be my choice of a more liberal arts oriented degree) I could do as much to help people. Maybe that's a delusion, but it's my delusion.

"Bright shiny futures are overrated anyway."

Perhaps it's time we had another little chat. I think I have some things I need to say...just don't get too excited. I'll refrain from typing it all right away so that I can make it more respectable for you all. Also, it may be time I finally reevaluated my own priorities.

Edit the Sad Parts

The autumn quarter is behind me. I guess it'd be appropriate to reminisce about it here.

I came into the quarter looking for a transition from my life as a dependent to a life of greater self-reliance. As I wrote in this blog before I left, I am now officially a man without a real home. My life is now, and will for at least two years to come, be full of many changes. This is because every three months I have to move somewhere else thanks to my school and co-op arrangement.

Anyway, looking back now I can see a few ways I've changed in these past few months. First of all, I've become a lot less of a worrier as a result of my changing perspective on life. I simply don't see the point in devoting any energy to worrying anymore...it does not help me, so I've cut it out of my life. My grades didn't even drop with this perceivable increase in what some might consider apathy. I've also become even more skeptical and less reserved about feeling so. In many ways I can thank the support of my roommate Chris for that...among other things, of course. But I've truly appreciated the feedback I have received from him on the numerous occasions we've engaged in a more lofty dialogue. It makes me feel like I'm making progress towards becoming the man I want to be.

Elizabeth came to college this quarter. I for one thought that was going to be a big deal for me...I was wrong. Perhaps it comes as a result of my increase in "apathy" that this didn't change my habits. I did enjoy having fun times with her around campus on occasion and meeting her roommate (who was really quite nice). Plus, I feel like I was at least somewhat useful to her as a friend. That's all I really wanted anyway. We're cool and I can say that officially.

My quest from romance took an interesting twist this quarter. I didn't really have much time to find someone due to all of the craziness in my life...but there was this girl! I don't think she reads this, but even if she does there's nothing embarrassing to tell and I love being honest with everyone...so here's the scoop. Okay; all of my college friends and I went to a football game together and afterward we met up at a bar (we got pizza, FYI). I was feeling decent, but really laying back and listening to other people talk and things were going well. I was sitting next to Dan in our booth and I noticed that the girl next to him was, well, to my humble eyes, striking. This is somewhat strange because I've never really been one for blonds, despite the old saying. That's not to say I discriminate, it's simply the pattern I've seen in my past behavior. But I digress. Needless to say I tried to talk to her...but she really paid me any mind at all. Who can blame her though, when surrounded by far more interesting and social people than myself? However, I was not to be deterred. As we exited the bar I looked around for her and, lo and behold, she was right next to me! Being the awkward fellow I am I did my standard fake gasp and feigned a great surprise (because I was surprised and wanted her to know that...as well as to catch her eye...I just was not that surprised) to which she responded that she didn't mean to scare me. I, as a further testament to my awkwardness, told her that I had been looking for her. Now she was surprised. I'll digress here to tell you all that she was actually in our group all along (hence her sitting with us) so she and I were walking the same way. Anyway, on the walk back we traded snarky remarks and had a friendly bantered back and forth about life, English, and literature. It really seemed like we were hitting it off. She and I seemed a good deal alike in our conversational style (which if she reads this, she may deny) and our pursuit of some sort of perfection in life. She was a truly bright star. Everyone seemed to notice how we talked to each other too. "Finally", I thought to myself, "I've met a girl at UC who might actually appreciate me for who I am". Things might finally work out! So, after the evening was over, I found her on Facebook and had every intention of asking her out (in person, gypsies!) after a one day grace period. Can you believe that folks? Crazy conservative Jacob, so struck by a woman that'd he'd make the leap so quickly? Amazing, right? For those of you not in the know, it took me a year to ask out my last girlfriend (of course we all know how that turned out). Well, here's the kicker folks, which, if I didn't know better, I'd take as a sign that I'm doomed to be alone -- in that grace day she started going out with another guy, a freshman, who lives in her building. Apparently she'd liked him for a while (Jayna told me that). I was, for lack of a better word, floored. And that was the extent of things. I like to think I'm a gentleman, so I backed off. They're happy, from what I hear. So cheers. And better luck next time.

Back to standard summary mode. I got a co-op job this quarter. I'm assigned to work in Belpre, Ohio, as a Process Engineer in a polymer plant. I will need special safety clothing and am paid quite well. That job certainly solidified my future to some degree. I'm looking forward to working again and living alone in a new city a lot. I can't wait to really manage my own life on my own terms.

Academically, this quarter reaffirmed for me my love of chemistry and my ability to scramble to learn things when the pressure is on (CALCULUS, I'm looking at you) I beasted on the final due some awesome studying and selective memorization. Cheers to that. My GPA was not as high as in the past, but it didn't really fall too far. I think it is within the Standard Deviation, for those of you in the know. So cheers to that.

I was also fortunate to have many friends visit me this quarter. I love it when they come down, despite how stressed it makes me because I don't know what all to do. When it's just me I don't do much so when people visit...I can't think of that many special things to do! I love my friends, so I want them to have the best of times, you know? It is also really grand for my friends from back home to meet my college friends. That's one of my favorite parts. I truly enjoy seeing how two people I esteem highly interact with each other. Perhaps the most successful visit was when Jennifer and Erin came down for a day. They blended perfectly with my college friends and we moved together like a united group. It was like they'd always been there! I think they really enjoyed the visit because of how great the dynamic was...I know I did (among other things, of course).

So this quarter was significant in many ways and it seemed to last forever (much like this post, right dear reader?)...to me at least. I'll try to update again soon because there is a lot more to say. No promises though. Thanks for reading, if you do.

I think I'm attracted to insecurity in an individual as much as anything else. Maybe because I can really empathize with it.